Gonna start spring cleaning my desktop, my module notes, my let me see… and welcome chinese new year! Going to keep myself entertainly occupied with songs, dramas and just sitting down and let the world revovle before me. I think that’ll take about a week or 2 before I start on my Market Research Proposal assignment, continue with my driving lessons (it has been 2 months since my last lesson), and see what other things lines up besides chingay and sdz concert. A short getaway will do but like how? Then a day to Malaysia for some shopping.

Just now I still had an hour more to go in the exam, but like many others I’m done with it. I was just sitting comfortably on the chair, fipping through the pages and pages of words and my mind ran through the entire term 1. Meeting new people, settling in a new environment, no campus, no campus life, just classrooms in the midst of the bustling city. Where christmas decorations are exceptionally beautiful after having stayed back for 5 straight hours of project meetings on a few occasions. Where town area is school,not so much for shopping anymore. Where going to school gets a little less tiring and troublesome than before.

I was very on the ball, interested in studying, but not really getting down to study since I focused on attending jiti jian trainings in preparation for the competition, but was at the same time very focused on my assignment such that I found myself to be at work even after training, that’ll be like 2,3 am since I usually get home past 12:30pm. I wonder why I get that energy from. Because I’m enjoying it… I like what I’m doing… just like Mr James and Mr Krishna who ‘does not need to sleep’. The notion that when one does things that he/she likes, it can go on for hours, even replacing sleep somehow became apparent, but sad to say it wasn’t for long. After the competition, the workload was greater since the percentage of the assignment went up by four times. Hah! I was just exaggerating how could it x4!? Group project was the thing that had me confused that I needed more sleep to re-arrange, assemble make sense out of the things that isn’t making any sense at the point when I read. Information diarrhoea I call it, quoted from Mr Krishna, a very interesting, witty, one of a kind lecturer! The fact that he isn’t chinese made me appreciate his teachings even more. It is such a joy to attend his lecture as he never fails to make us laugh sharing those very fundamental things gone wrong kind of situation. So yea like a bullet train, 2 modules down, term 1 down feeling satisfied.

As satisfied as being able to re-live Monday (four days ago while studying for my paper) to just stare out of the window, see the blue sky above, see traces of the sun, hear the birds chirping just, enjoying this blue sunny day!

I missed KaiWen’s 21st because I fell ill and ill for a week, missed out the good food, was sleeping most of the time to battle the cough and flu which was so damn untimely, I was left with less than 2 instead of 6 days to study for my paper. I’ve got 3 days MC, like MC can justify why I didn’t attend exam… I just went ahead with it, hopfully doing fine- results I meant. My throat got very itchy during the paper, burying my mouth with one hand with eyebrows inverted and eyes closed to the like of koreans, I continued to write as if nothing happened. Yea nothing is happening when my other brain is screaming 好辛苦啊!! . And towards the end I couldn’t breathe through my nose, great!

The recency effect. wut! I kindof played through the weekend even though I had one more paper to go. I guess after I got better, things doesn’t seemed as pressing as before. Spent quality time with bro, joking, watching videos, listening to music before he returned to hostel. I was glued to the tv for 4hours every weeknights. Sleeping through the morning and waking up to lunch and then to study. So carefree! That’s what I like about the period leading to exams =D XI XI HA HAAA! Kuai Kuai Le Le Guo Xin Nian!

Day 2. My two friends and I sat separately because they entered the classroom after the lecturer started talking and I didn’t manage to tell them that “hey I’m here”. So the seats beside me were gradually being filled up by a Vietnamese on my right and a Chinese on my left. The module Cross Cultural Management requires that we form groups for the main assignment and we are obliged to form a group of five consisting of more than 2 countries, at most two Singaporeans with gender diversity within the group. Wow! Then somebody who’s sitting diagonally in front on the left asked me if I have form a group, not yet as my two Singaporean friends would hit max. And then she says: “I’m Singaporean.” “Where’re you from?” I asked. “I’m from SP” she replied. *Surprised* She’s from business admin and I don’t seem to see her in school before. We both have never seen each other in school before! Lol! And the search of group members goes on…. 2 Singaporeans, 1 Vietnamese, 1 Chinese and perhaps one more…

It was an eventual success and kind of “wo yi sheng de xin xue” for me at that age.  I assumed it garnered me the EAGLES Award that year and I was the only recipient of the Service Award for contribution as student leader the following year. Even though I had been part of many other events or projects, I believed this was it…  This is the largest project by far that I have had.

Then one day, I looked high and low, ransacked my cupboard of clothes only to realise that the tee, the Secondary One Orientation 2007 tee that was designed by the design comm., the tee that is of great significance to me could not be found! I was sad-ed!

The tee’s black in colour with silver prints, Inspirare- Dream It Do It, the theme fills I can’t remember it’s the left or the right side of the front, rotated 270deg. and the back shows silhouettes of a bunch of people. Till now I still feel a tinge of loss for losing that shirt and have a feeling to want to buy it back.

I have had a very long holiday. I love holidays, it’s a period of transistion from me to a better me. I could play as much as I want to, game as much as I want to, read as much as I want to, plan as and when I need to. To think and not to think all day long. To operate in a somewhat relax mood =D

The thing that hit me the most was that I didn’t get into any of the local Uni, I was devastated! It was as though my world was crumbling down. The only glimmer of hope dashed in an instant. My injuries was here, there… I injured my kua, it was further aggravated by the run suggested by my flight to rejection. My vision turned myopic. It was as though total rejection hit me all over. I lost my drive to compete in nationals. I could not have gotten back on my feet if not for my friend Hui Ying. Sounds kind of cliches, yea I know but it was from there that I drew the energy to pick myself up.

Let me rattle this for the last time: My life was in a mess, I thought. The RMIT which I next held hope for appeared to be a 3 year course instead of 2 even though there are many similar modules I’ve taken. My course was not found in the list of relevant diplomas which could grant a 1 year exemption, reason being mine’s a new course. WTS! 35k instead of 28k is a lot of money! The factors that deterred my liking to this school and this course: 1) it’s an okay institution 2) gonna have to pay 7k more??? 3) to study something that I’ll dread studying since I’ve studied it already. The second option to private U was University of Adelaide. Having heard from my learned lecturer that a one year degree programme may not be dersirable to prospective employers, I decided to forgo the package I had. The last and hopeful option was then to enroll into University College, Dublin under Kaplan. The downsides was that I might not be able to enter, who knows? there was no aggregate stated, and even though I think that my diploma offer relevance to this degree course, the school may think otherwise. This degree is offered only to relevant studies and therefore spans only 2 years. And this enrolment, outcome is the last of the last meaning I forgo the rest to get here.

My academia was on the line, my injuries deteriorated with competition just around the corner. My moral and my spirit diminished, my drive ceased to exists. Just when I thought I got stucked in this rut. I was being pulled. The words of encouragement gave new perspective to the pessimistic world I saw. I found hope somehow, somewhere, I just needed to get myself out and up. Bit by bit adjusting my mentality, my emotions and my glasses, I bounced back to life. And since then things took a change, for the better….

I bagged a sliver for my broadsword event in the nationals. Luck somehow claimed it. Casting all options aside I went for Dublin, ignoring all else, fine-tuned to ’happy mentality’ and off to ZhangJiaJie. Learn a little of cudgel, learn some shuang jian =D We got ‘promoted’ to Assistant Coaches. I got accepted into Dublin, after a wait so long. I went to work as a telephone surveyor with my brother for 3 days. Actually 2, coz  I went to M’sia to see zhong yi. I passed BTT. I signed up for NCAP with Hui Ying, it fits perfectly into my schedule! School’s after NCAP (y) Jian Siong introduced me the Flyer Distributor job, which I took on for about 2 months. We only accepted weekdays. I was able to absent myself for my other appoinments (what great flexibility!) Intially when I phoned the recruitment agency for the postition of a Flyer Distributor, the recruiter found me over-qualified and offered me an admin job, but nah, I don’t wish to be desk bound nor commited to slog my guts out when I could settle for something more flexible, less stressful and with relatively good pay. I got to work on the Presidential Elections setting up and tearing down of polling booths for 2 days. I accepted the milk job, also by Jian Siong, a few months back, and so in the month of September I was working for 7 days a week, seeing my bro everyday! Considering the considerably short working hours, the nature of the job, the company of yellowbear and my books, it was manageable. I’m able to attend trainings and even have L4D sessions whenever we’ve got time to pass. We got accredited and are now HR Associates. Then I thought I should stop working, let me do my stuff while I take NCAP…

This one long holiday has its downs and ups. I trained hard, I got injured, I received rejection letter, I teared, I don’t know what to do, I cried, I fell down, I got up, I planned my route, I questioned myself, I went to teach, I went to work, I have learnt alot, if not educational, at least I’ve learnt some things and more things about myself. Not forgetting to mention the happy, birthday celebrations, the movie outings, close friends outings, the jiti trg, and that supper we laughed so hard. 

I laugh and smile and am thankful for all that happened, they happened for a reason and have made me a better person =)

Like her, I disagree that we are compelled to win if we want to compete. The mentality of ‘ trashing others’ is at large, is it targeted towards proving who is superior or the best, to compensate for the lost/humiliation suffered? If so, I rather your vibe be channelled towards striving for the satisfaction gained from enjoyment of the game and being able to push yourself to your limits.

I’m not minimizing the importance of your innate desire to win for self-interest or to prove otherwise. I feel it’s best left as it is, where it resides in you that can bring about an outburst of energy, raging fire whatever you call that, focusing on training hard in the smart way.

Projecting ‘trash whoever’ as a club goal presents a twofold. In a positvie light (and hopefully) it would create a sense of belongingness to ‘打天下’, on the downside medals are being ‘accquainted’ to competitions, therefore eschewing the normalcy that it’s okay not to win. What happens after that? The latter clearly is not the focus but still somehow intended if you get what I mean. This, is not the direction to be heading, and certainly not the best foot forward.

To all those in my batch, I do not know if you feel the same way as I do. Three years ago, we had our first ever 5D4N Wushu Training Camp. It doesn’t deter us to turn up for the camp no matter how our seniors desribed it as ‘hellish’, we took it head-on, we simply don’t give a damn. The treat was that a magical bond was formed; we train much, we laughed hard, we enjoyed the sufferings (damn physicals), we sweat, we eat and sleep together. And we came back for more! (I must credit myself for the positive learning attitude which stems from the urge to reignite my “long- lost passion” which I eargerly joined SPWC for).

I didn’t come from a background where competition strives (that much). Here referring to Wushu. We ‘live’ in harmony. I think this is suffice. 

Year by year, seniors graduated batch by batch, there’s somehow a feeling that something’s missing, only to my realisation that we have to have something in order to be able to lose it. From being: motivated myself to train and to train even harder where you come to a point that you have learnt to tolerate physical pain and to focus and discipline yourself; focus-beyond the pain- to the opportunity of gain. The ever so goody good feeling enthralls and keeps you coming back for more to becoming less garang, less gung-ho and less motivated to keep pushing myself…

Moral of the story: you take a little longer than others when you don’t put the right (as opposed to best) foot forward.

am i making sense? idk where’im heading to. what i’m drivin’ at =p

一件事情，在不同的人生阶段发生就会有不一样的后果（想法/思维determines后果），同样的一件事情发生之后，情绪/感受分阶段，分层次的被觉悟， 我因为现在好过，所以产生了新的视野。

我在比赛当天是没有feeling的，我仍然在摸索前进，没有想对手，没有想赢，只因为我来了我就得下场。一连串的波折使我处于在不幸的状态，只因为我相信我‘不幸’ 以便万念俱灰。要不是HuiYing， 我恐怕会缺席。是她在我坠入谷底的时候拉了我一把，我才没有继续消沉，继续自甘堕落。

她给予的是什么，我翻看简讯，实在无法明确的说。 但我知道在当下那是鼓励，促使为一股改观的力量。

Glad that I’ve settled the administrative stuff; Dublin’s contract, NCAP registration, and FTT next.

Sipping in 100Plus now in a bit to kill my slight headache. I’ve never been a fan of the sun. How nice of the Sun to accompany me when I was searching for SSC last Wednesday, distributing flyer in Woodlands industrial area on Thursday, distributing flyers from blocks to blocks in Tampines on Friday, and distributing flyers in Paya Lebar industrial area today.

Hey, I’m employed! on a part-time basis, anyway I don’t have anything to do. I’m not interested in looking for a job. I’m just interested in looking at jobs that interest me.

By the way, I’m working as a flyer distributor under Far East Organisation with Jian Siong. We distribute flyers for euHabitat, a 4 in 1 concept (Soho,Suites, Condo, Townhouse) located at Jln Eunos. Sometimes people do respond; it’s funny? sad? to hear people saying things like ”I’m broke”, ” I’m a poor man”, ”Mei you qian” and even ”Free ah!?” Anyways, we’ll be moving on to the next site for the next project since euHabitat will be launched this Friday.

My ezlink expired yesterday and I was oblivious to it. Got up  the bus tapped my card and found that my card has no value, impossible I’d topped up recently, tapped again and the bus captain told me that my card expired. Gosh! how am I to travel for the rest of the day =( With a fifty dollar at hand, I purchased a standard ticket, the machine don’t accept a fifty note sia, so changed for smaller denominations and requseted for more coins to take bus. My travel expenses yesterday was a bomb as compared to other days. $1 to take a bus to Bishan interchange. $1.80 to Eunos stn. In order to save money I walked two bus stops to work. $1 to Eunos stn. $1.90 to Dover. $1.90 to Bishan and then I walked home. =| =/

For now, go sleep! =) and later catch up on my entertainment =)

Then I came to realise, it complements, this is what matters! Say this is my favourite watch, it matches anything that I wear. It is the combination of practicality plus colour that makes you tick! Just like how my friend Jasmine end up purchasing a laptop that is 16”?? Portable expectation to a not-so-portable purchase. Because the white and the wide screen looks sleek that she fell in love with. The same happened to me when I spotted a black Meserati! (no it belongs to someone else)

Even though now I do know which colour I like but there’s more to be realised.  One thing for sure I know, I wouldn’t want to have the same thing of the same colour everywhere. I thought of the drama chun dao ren jian where Zhou Junsheng acted by Chen Hanwei had his bedroom red all over, he said he would ‘fa feng’ I would too.

Favourite colour, so childish, oh whatever~